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The holiday season, often envisioned as a time of festive cheer and close family bonds, frequently transforms into a period of immense pressure and exhaustion for many. Psychotherapist Niro Feliciano, through her work and personal journey, sheds light on how to reclaim the true spirit of the holidays by minimizing frantic activity and maximizing authentic engagement. Her book, "All is Calmish: How to Feel Less Frantic and More Festive During the Holidays," provides actionable strategies to help individuals navigate the demands of this special time with a renewed sense of purpose and presence. By encouraging a thoughtful approach to traditions and obligations, Feliciano aims to empower people to experience deeper connections and reduce the overwhelming stress often associated with the end-of-year festivities.

Feliciano’s inspiration stemmed from a personal revelation during a Christmas morning when she realized her relentless pursuit of holiday perfection had left her too drained to fully participate in her children's joy. Her extensive checklist, encompassing everything from hosting family gatherings and crafting greeting cards to gift shopping and decorating, alongside her daily responsibilities as a working mother of four, ultimately led to feelings of disconnect and exhaustion. This pivotal moment highlighted a common struggle: the desire to create an idyllic holiday experience can paradoxically detract from the very essence of the season – meaningful presence and connection. Her experience underscores the often-unseen toll that self-imposed expectations can have during what should be a celebratory time.

To combat this holiday overwhelm, Feliciano advocates for a selective approach to festive activities, suggesting individuals pinpoint three crucial moments they genuinely wish to be fully present for. This prioritization helps in focusing energy and attention where it matters most, ensuring that cherished experiences, such as Christmas morning or a family dinner, are savored rather than rushed through. By consciously choosing to engage deeply in these select instances, the pressure to perfect every single detail across all holiday tasks diminishes, allowing for a more authentic and less stressful celebration.

A significant aspect of Feliciano's philosophy involves a conscious reframing of holiday responsibilities. Instead of viewing tasks as burdensome "have-tos," she encourages a shift towards perceiving them as enriching "get-tos." For instance, transforming the thought of "I have to send holiday cards" into "I get to create holiday cards" can profoundly alter one's emotional response. This change in perspective converts perceived obligations into opportunities for joy and gratitude, thereby alleviating much of the associated stress and making these activities feel less like chores and more like privileges.

Feliciano also strongly emphasizes the liberating concept that "everything is optional." Many holiday traditions, while deeply ingrained, may no longer serve to bring joy or connection. She advises individuals to critically assess their annual rituals and bravely let go of those that feel burdensome. If sending holiday cards, for example, has become a source of dread rather than delight, granting oneself permission to skip it or modify it in a particular year can free up valuable time and energy. This flexibility allows for a more personalized and genuinely enjoyable holiday, redirecting efforts toward activities that truly resonate and ignite excitement.

Finally, Feliciano urges a careful evaluation of expectations surrounding the holidays. Unrealistic ideals often lead to disappointment when reality inevitably falls short. Recognizing that some level of discord or imperfection is natural, especially when extended families gather, can temper these expectations. Embracing the understanding that even amidst minor stressors, moments of profound joy and connection are still possible, allows for a more balanced and accepting experience of the holiday season. This realistic outlook fosters resilience and appreciation for the imperfect yet precious moments that define this time of year.

Navigating the holiday season doesn't have to be a race against time or a relentless pursuit of an impossible ideal. By adopting a more mindful and intentional approach, as suggested by psychotherapist Niro Feliciano, individuals can transform potential stress into genuine celebration. The core message is clear: prioritize what truly matters, consciously reframe obligations as opportunities, and grant yourself the flexibility to discard traditions that no longer bring joy. Ultimately, cultivating a realistic perspective on family dynamics and accepting imperfections can lead to a more peaceful, present, and joy-filled holiday experience, fostering deeper connections and creating cherished memories that are truly worth savoring.